Eternal Confessions
by VanishedElf
Summary: Rin and Haru are now adults, swimming side-by-side in international tournaments. Rin wonders why he still can't tell Haru how he feels. Could Haru even understand a bond forged by something other than swimming? Rin is happy to remain friends, but his body is not... rinxharu, haruxrin, rin/haru, rinmatsuoka/harunanase, rinmatsuoka/harukananase, rinharu, harurin, free!slash, smut


It was amazing the way so much could happen over the years. First they were children, laughing, playing, and even fighting without a care in the world. Then that thing went down in the old Iwatobi swimming pool, and then they made up, and then they joined high school, and now they were competing against one another on an international level, and Rin _still_ hadn't told Haru exactly how he felt about him. It was a curse to be so competitive, really.

Rin squirmed, remembering the time his Australian stepfamily let drop a few things concerning his admiration for Haru's swimming in front of Haru. If that had exasperated him, it was no surprise that the red-haired swimmer found it impossibly difficult to confess the deeper feelings he harboured for his blue-eyed counterpart. It was ridiculous in a way, given how much they'd been through together. You'd think it would be easier. Something about Haru both enlivened and infuriated Rin. Part of him wanted to smack Haru. The other… well, that was a topic he did his best to avoid at most times.

Rin threw a towel over his shoulder and began rummaging for his shirt. The locker was almost bare. Whenever Rin was swimming in other countries he preferred to travel light. It didn't make any sense carrying around a bunch of stuff he didn't need, especially not when he wanted the freedom to go exploring. Rin loved to travel. It was one of the perks of his career.

A loud thumping issued behind him. He heard the telltale sigh, followed by a ruffling of canvas as someone began to stretch their arms. Rin struggled to conceal the impish grin that had plastered itself across his face before turning around to greet his friend.

"Hey man, how's it going?"

"Not so good," Haru said quietly, massaging his upper arm. "My bag is heavy."

Rin raised an eyebrow. "I still don't know why you insist on bringing so much with you. It's not like we've been swimming in particularly cold countries, and the sponsors spoil us silly with everything else."

"I like having my own things."

"Your own things, huh?" Rin snickered. He took a few steps forward and appraised Haru's bag suspiciously. "What do you have hiding in there, anyway?"

"Clothing. Towels. Sheets." Haru tilted his head to the side. "How come? What did you think I'd have?"

"Nothing, nothing," Rin sighed, pulling his shirt over his head. Leave it to Haru to be one-hundred-percent vanilla in every walk of life. He ate the same thing every morning and jogged the same route during his workouts. He got nervous in foreign environments and only consented to travelling across the world so he could swim in the massive pools. This was why Rin kept his thoughts to himself. There was no way they'd ever be received with any degree of positivity. "Let's find your coach on the way out so you can ditch your bag."

"My bag?"

"Don't tell me you forgot. It's the last day of the tournament and you promised you'd come out for drinks with me!"

"Oh," Haru said. "Right."

The two of them exited the athletic complex and walked down a long street downtown. It was the dinner hour on a Friday and the streets were packed. Hoards of businesspeople in suits coursed past them towards the subway, bumping into them like harried salmon, knocking their briefcases into their knees.

"God it's packed," Rin grumbled, pushing his way around crowded corner. "You'd think these people would give us a little more respect. We _are_ world-class swimmers after all."

"I like it. It's nice to feel anonymous for a change."

"You would," Rin muttered, staring down at his phone. He had a map open showing the nearest bars and pubs, so he didn't notice it when a cyclist cut across the sidewalk, momentarily separating him from Haru. He did, however, notice it when a hand reached out and seized the back of his jacket, almost pulling him backwards onto the concrete.

"Jesus, Haru! What's your problem?" Rin looked at his friend, only to discover that Haru's blue eyes were overflowing with a mixture of panic and relief. Rin noted the way his friend's chest rose and fell quickly, the tightening of his hand on Rin's jacket. It was all very subtle. If Rin didn't know Haru so well, he probably wouldn't have noticed a change in his friend's behaviour at all. The rest of Haru's face remained expressionless as usual.

"It's okay," Rin said, grabbing Haru's shoulder and giving it a shake. "I'm right here, dude."

"Where is this place we're going to?"

Rin pointed over his shoulder. "Just over there."

The two of them climbed a narrow set of stairs and emerged in a tiny pub. The carpets were worn, the chairs creaked, and the lighting was dim, but a homely patio overlooked the street below, giving them a handsome view of the harbour down the hill. Haru looked relieved.

"Good?" Rin asked, settling back in his chair and taking a sip of his drink.

After a moment, Haru nodded.

"I thought you'd like it here."

"I can see the water. It looks warm."

"How can you tell if water _looks_ warm or not?"

"I just can."

"Hah," Rin scoffed, shaking his head. "It's good to know some things in life will never change."

"You did well today."

"I totally kicked your ass, didn't' I?"

"I thought you swam well."

Rin looked up, the smirk fading off his face, a slight blush creeping across his cheeks instead. He cursed himself for being so easy to read. Always the first to laugh, the first to cry… It was in moments like these that he didn't know quite how to react. It felt garish to lambaste Haru with more roguish trash-talk, but if he didn't do that, he'd have to be sincere, and being sincere around Haru was a slippery, slippery slope for Rin to tread.

Rin took another sip of his drink instead. "You're not going to drink anything?"

"I'm still deciding."

Haru spent another ten minutes staring at the menu in silence. When the waitress came back, Rin had finished his drink, so he ordered another vodka soda and Haru got a whiskey on the rocks.

"Such a classy gentleman."

"Did you know you can cook fish with whiskey?" Haru gazed off into the distance. "I wonder what mackerel would taste like cooked like that."

"Why don't you try it sometime?"

"I don't know. I like it with salt best."

Rin frowned slightly. "You know, it isn't a bad idea to try something new every now and then."

"I'm not sure about that."

Rin sighed. It was a valid stance, but one he didn't want to hear at that moment. Sitting on the patio in a foreign city, with the setting sun casting reflected prisms all around them, listening as the hustle and bustle decelerated to a lively purr, Rin wanted to pretend. He wanted to think that one day Haru would find it within himself to ask Rin for something more.

"Remember that time we stayed in Australia?"

"Sure."

"And we had to share a bed?"

"Yeah." Haru rested his face on his palm and looked at Rin enigmatically. "I do."

Rin stared back stubbornly. Haru's gaze wasn't particularly invasive, but it was disconcerting in how unfaltering it was. After a moment, Rin laughed, reaching up and scratching the back of his head. "That was totally your fault."

"Are we really going to start this one again?"

"You just don't want to because you know I'd win."

Haru chuckled softly. "As if."

Rin stared down into his drink, swilling the contents around distractedly. The two of them sounded like a couple of bickering kids. Some people would be grateful to have maintained such a rapport into their later years. Wasn't that the goal? To keep the springtime of your life alive as long as possible? To evade the cloying hands of adulthood and the mundanity it necessitated? The only thing was, Rin didn't feel like much of a kid around Haru anymore. The things he felt for his friend were very much adult in nature, but the only problem was, he didn't know how to express them that way. It was like he and Haru had learned to speak a certain language to one another over the years, and it didn't contain the words Rin needed in order to say how he felt.

The two of them finished their drinks and wandered down to the waterside. Rin was tempted to drink more but he knew his coach would lecture him if he neglected his dietary regime too extensively. Oddly enough, he felt a little tipsy as it was. It didn't make sense, given how muscular Rin was, but there was a sort of heaviness in his chest that he was hard-pressed to explain.

He watched from the dock as Haru stripped down to his jammers, revealing the lithe musculature that haunted Rin's dreams. Haru took a few steps until he arrived at the end of the pier. He looked like he was gearing up to dive, but at the last moment, he turned around and beckoned to Rin.

"Come with me."

"Huh?" Rin asked, snapping out of his daze.

"I want to dive in with you."

Rin made a face. "That's oddly sentimental of you."

"It's been a long time since we've swum together like this."

"What are you talking about? We swam side-by-side all day."

"That was a competition." Haru dropped his gaze. "I want to swim with you for fun. Just feeling the water together. Letting it hold us up."

"Okay, okay," Rin said, shuffling out of his jacket. "Wow, it's kind of chilly out."

"The water will keep us warm."

Rin let Haru lead him back to the end of the dock and the two of them got ready to dive. At the last minute, Haru stood up.

"What is it now?" Rin asked.

"Hey," Haru said quietly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Haru paused. After a long moment, he said, "Do you think it's wrong if a person doesn't own their own dreams?"

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when you asked me why I swim?" Haru looked up at the sky. "At the time, I told you I swim for the team."

"I remember that."

"I was lying on my back and you were straddling me, and you started to cry tears all over my face—"

"I get it! I get it! You don't have to go into specifics!"

"Well," Haru said. "I meant it."

Rin raised an eyebrow. "If you're itching to swim another relay with the boys, I can give Nagisa and Makoto a call, and maybe even Rei too. We're gonna be back in Japan next month, so—"

"That's not it." Haru looked down. "That's not what I'm saying."

"Hmm?"

"I swim for the team," Haru said under his breath. "But there was a time when I had a team and I still felt empty inside." He dropped his head even further. "It was the most horrible feeling in the world. It was like the ground was giving out under my feet. Like I was wandering in an endless desert without water."

"Haru," Rin said, wrapping his arms around himself. "I'm getting cold."

"Rin!" Haru cried, grabbing Rin by the shoulders. "I'm being serious! Do you know how that feels? To feel like you'll never be the same again? To wonder what went wrong? To spend years being hollow?"

Rin stared back, blushing furiously. Before, in the street, he'd barely felt it when Haru grabbed the back of his jacket. The two of them were always joshing one another like that, patting each other's backs, giving a playful slap, but this was different. It felt like Haru's hands were on fire. Rin inhaled sharply, willing himself to focus. "Sure I do." Part of him feared saying anything more, but in many ways he was at the end of his rope. They were at the last leg of a two month long trip wherein they'd shared a hotel room most nights. He'd spent hours watching Haru undress, watching him curl up on his side, watching him sleep, watching the fire ignite in his eyes when he approached the diving board, wishing the hotel management would mess up again and put them in a room with only one bed, stealing away moments in the shower to vent the frustrations he'd pent up for the better part of ten years. Rin dropped his gaze. "You _know_ I do."

"Rin," Haru said, gripping Rin's shoulders even harder. "Don't ever go away again."

"H-haru…"

"Because…" Rin couldn't believe it. Haru was actually blushing too. "Because I don't think I could take it if you did." Haru looked up, his eyes shining like oyster shells. "If you said you'd never swim with me again, I might just give up."

"Haru," Rin sighed exasperatedly. "Don't you get it?" He felt his chest rising and falling rapidly and he swallowed. The last thing he wanted was to break down in tears on such a beautiful night, but his emotions were rearing their hooves like angry horses. The weight in his chest was growing heavier. It suddenly felt impossible to keep it all inside, to restrain the thoughts and feelings he'd repressed for years. He felt wild; crazed, like if he didn't say it now, he'd be forever enslaved by the ugly things lurking inside him. "The things I feel about you go far beyond _swimming._ "

"Rin…"

It was too late. The seal was broken and Rin's face was contorting, tears streaming down his angular face. He gasped heavily, covering his face with a trembling hand.

"I'm so sorry Haru, I'm so sorry. I've always felt this way, I know it's horrible, but I can't stop thinking about it. Fuck," he whimpered, clenching his jagged teeth. "I'm such a mess, what the hell—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Haru's arms were all around him and the two of them were pressed close, their near-naked bodies intertwined like two trees. Rin was so taken off guard he almost stopped crying.

"Rin," Haru whispered in his ear. "You worry too much."

"What are you talking about?"

"I…" Haru pulled back until he was looking Rin in the face. "I think I feel the same."

"What?"

"You heard what I said," Haru muttered, looking away. "Don't make me say it again."

Rin looked at Haru. His heart was going a mile a minute. It felt like if he didn't do something to break the tension, it would simply explode in his chest. There were a million things he could've done to evade it, like joking about Haru's sanity, or shoving his friend off the dock into the water, but for once in his life, he felt a new language offering itself up to him. He reached out, running his thumb along the length of Haru's jaw, and tipped his friend's chin slightly upwards. Then, completely neglecting the fact that they were standing half-naked on a dock in broad daylight, he leaned down and pressed his mouth against Haru's, which was cool and trembling as the ocean itself.

Miraculously, incredibly, Haru kissed back. Rin drank him in hungrily, pressing closer, squeezing tighter, kissing deeper, amazed to feel Haru matching him on every level. It was like when they were in the water. Haru pushed him in all respects. Never once were they more than a second apart. Rin never had to feel desolate in defeat or lonely in victory, so long as Haru was at his side.

They'd spent so much time studying one another's swimming techniques, it was no wonder they were able to so easily intuit other aspects of their physical tendencies. They walked back to the hotel, Rin in the lead, Haru following closely behind, and stripped their clothing off with as much vehemence as when they were on the brink of a freestyle showdown. It was at this point that Haru overtook Rin, yanking him onto the mattress and using his mouth to do things to Rin that made Rin cry out, muffling the sounds against his palm for fear of disturbing the coaches. Then they were on the bed, Haru pressed beneath his red-haired counterpart, beckoning him onwards, daring him with his blue eyes, and Rin gasped and breathed, the two of them throttling neck-and-neck towards the torrid finish line.

"H-haru," Rin moaned, his muscular body stiffening with self-restraint. Haru said nothing, but Rin could tell by the way his friend was arching his back, his eyelids fluttering like butterflies, that he was there too.

"Haru," Rin repeated, fighting to catch his breath. He let himself go and proceeded to come so hard it felt like his spine was detonating into his skull.

He could hardly believe what had just happened. Now that he'd blown his load, his mind was clearing a little. He looked down and saw that Haru was blushing almost just as badly as him.

"What just happened?"

"I don't know," Haru said softly. "But as usual, you were able to keep up."

"Keep up!" Rin straightened up. "I'd like to see you do any better."

"Maybe I will one day," Haru said carelessly.

Rin flushed even deeper crimson. "W-well, we'll just have to see about that."

The two of them rinsed off in the shower, then Haru filled up the tub and sunk below the surface like an eel. Rin would've joined him, but Haru insisted on keeping the water lukewarm, which Rin found a little too chilly for his liking. Rin ordered a pizza instead and they ate it in the bathroom, with Rin sitting on the ground and Haru lounging in the tub like the dolphin that he was.

Rin smiled. Somehow it had turned out alright. Maybe the two of them were lucky enough to have discovered something that would truly last forever. Maybe, just maybe, their eternal summer would never end.

 ** _END_**


End file.
